It was at her 12 week scan that I decided to start writing notes to Fidget. It was something I decided to do because of the impact the scan had on both myself and my partner; and because it also marked a major turning point in our lives together. Fidget would be our first.

During the scan I experienced feelings I had only been told about in the past; feelings I’d never truly appreciated. The point being that no matter how hard you try to understand excited, expectant parents, or how often you witness the awe they radiate, or how eloquently they describe the emotions they are going through, nothing can accurately prepare first-time parents for the experience of seeing their child for the first time on a little screen, or for the flood of emotion that follows. So it was with us.

What completely overwhelmed my inexperienced eyes was the first sight of those tiny silvery arms and legs moving on a dark shadowy screen; and if this wasn’t enough, the visual impact was enhanced by the auditory assault of a rapidly beating heart. But what truly compounded such a wonderful experience was the somewhat mesmerised look on my partner’s face. What I saw within her tear-filled eyes was a love so complete and overwhelming that it brought me more happiness than I had ever imagined possible – and all because of a child we had not yet met.

For my part, the rest of the appointment became a blur. I vaguely remember some possible dates being mentioned, and a sequence of measurements being logged, but as for the rest, my mind was a whirl of colliding emotions: wonder, confusion, delight, fear, astonishment, love – all wrapped up in a double-dose of adrenaline-fueled apprehension. That’s when it truly struck home: we were going to be parents!

Prior to the 12 week scan there had been a period of nervous excitement for the both of us. For me it was also a time where my thoughts ran riot but kept returning to that ‘Oh-my-god! We-decided-to-get-pregnant-and-we’ve-only-gone-and-done-it’ moment. At the time it all seemed to happen so very quickly and oh so very easily. I’ve been hoping for the same dose of luck with my lottery tickets ever since! But to no avail.

Anyway, the idea behind writing notes to Fidget was to capture feelings and moments we share now so that they can be shared with her in the future. Looking back at this decision, I would also suggest that the initial urge to write notes to Fidget was as much for me as it was for her. What I wanted from and for myself was something to focus on, an impetus to write. After all, like many people who have literary inclinations (be they big or small), my desire to write had been pushed aside and buried beneath a busy work-life, and, I suppose, by the here-and-now of life in general. Fidget provided that motivation. Now there was a drive, a determination to create something for us as father and daughter; a desire to create an ongoing block of writing for her to treasure in the future. There was now a wish to document moments in her life that would hopefully touch us all. The blog format grew out of this. In my mind, the blog would give me a platform from which to speak to posterity; it would enable me to present Fidget with written snapshots of family life from her dad’s point of view.

Consequently, the notes to Fidget published here will be a way of letting her know the importance of the written word by capturing moments that will hopefully be read and cherished by her in the future. It feels like a big task now, but if I accomplish my aim it will hopefully give her a little understanding about where she came from. It will let her read about times and events in her life that helped shape her; that helped shape and influence our family unit. That’s the hope behind my notes to Fidget, and ultimately, I suppose, the underlying reason for this blog.