I have been challenged via a tweet by Nige at DIY Daddy to complete my New Year’s resolutions for my partner, Helena. She’s my significant other, and mum to our kids, Fidget & Little Man. Nige got the ball rolling with ten very funny points of his own. You can read them here.

But now that I have picked up the proverbial gauntlet, I sense trouble brewing, because I’m a little OCD about things and I know this is going to probably shine through. But there’s nothing I haven’t hinted at before … mostly under my breath, though. Nige, I hope you have a spare room, just in case!

Oh well, here goes …

1) When doing the washing, please check pockets for tissues. The amount of times I have had to reset the machine because the clothes are flecked in white tissue paper is beyond count. 2017, tissue-free washing, please!

2) And whilst I am mentioning washing, why, oh why, do you insist on washing socks separately rather than as a pair? Please agree that from 2017 you’ll wash them in pairs. One clean sock is nothing more than a tease, a torment.

3) Promise me you’ll stop lecturing me about my diet. It’s my diet. One meal a day does suffice when I forget to eat at work. It can’t be that bad, I’m still here!

4) Stop mentioning the impracticalities of owning an Audi Q7 in London. You’re just ruining my pipe dream of owning an Audi Q7; stop peeing on my pyrotechnics! Of course, I can park a Q7. London streets aren’t that small.

My New Year’s Resolution for my Partner

5) Promise me that in 2017 you will stop slamming the car door. It doesn’t need slamming; it’s an Audi, a gentle push and click will do the trick. German engineering doesn’t need a sledgehammer hand.

6) Promise me that in 2017 you’ll stop lecturing me about giving the kids treats. I’m playing the ‘good-cop-bad-cop’ card with them. You chose bad cop … live with it!

7) Yes, you’re Spanish. Yes, you love football. Both of which I love about you. But couldn’t you support a team other than Barcelona! As an Arsenal fan it makes me feel like such an underachiever. So promise me you won’t mention the Champions League final of 2006 at all in 2017. Eleven years of pain is enough.

My New Year’s Resolutions for my Partner

8) Promise 2017 will be the year the filter in the plug hole in the shower remains clear. Hair, hair, hair! We’ll leave it there … I mean my point about your hair, not the hair itself – that can go in the bin.

9) From 2017 I’d like you to admit that golf on TV is good programming. You made me sit through every episode of Sex in the City, so I figure you owe me at least one Masters, and a US and British Open!

10) And finally, please promise you’ll try harder in 2017 to stay awake beyond 9pm. It’s hard settling down to watch a movie with you when you fall asleep ten minutes in. I’m a little phased that it can take us three weeks to get through one movie!

So that’s my lot. And I hope only for this post, not my relationship. Because Helena could not be a better partner, friend or mum than she is. Okay, she supports Barcelona and slams the car door on occasion, but it doesn’t really matter. She can slam as much as she likes. She can giggle at Arsenal and wash one sock a week. Just so long as it’s my sock she’s washing and my car door she’s slamming. I know Fidget & Little Man would agree that there’s no one quite like mummy.

Love ya, Hels!

 

 

 

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