With a coffee in hand I find myself staring at a blank screen contemplating one of those ‘I haven’t blogged in a while’ posts.

Somewhat embarrassingly, my last post was towards the end of February. Okay, so I have the added excuse of having had an accident eight weeks ago that caused a lot of internal bruising and pain, which meant I had to sleep upright because laying down was really quite painful. This meant that I got very little sleep and was constantly tired and not wanting to do much on the creative side of life. It still isn’t 100% better, but it’s getting there. But the worst thing about the fallout from the accident was my inability to cuddle the kids let alone pick them up. Stay-at-home-dadding during this period has been a bit of a trial, to say the least.

Accident aside, it has been a stressful time in other areas of my life too. Searching for a new job, having walked away from my last role, is right up there on the stressometer and has led to thoughts that have recently had me asking myself ‘what the hell is going on in my life?’ And because of the situation there have been quite a lot of negative thoughts running through my head over the last few months.

But I’m writing today. Even though it feels a little strained, like I’m trying to flex muscles I haven’t used in a long while. And as I sit here and tap the keys, I have the distinct feeling that I’m forcing myself back on the proverbial horse, so to speak, with no set destination in mind for this post. Perhaps that’s what these ‘I haven’t blogged in a while’ posts are truly about: an exercise in getting back on the horse. An exercise in contemplating the ‘whys’ of it all.

If I’m honest about why I haven’t written recently, I think it’s an accumulation of things that have hit hard and all at the same time, which led me to think that writing the blog seemed trivial in the big scheme of things. I’m sure we all have negative periods in our lives: times when everything comes to a head; times that make you consider your worth to others; times when the rut seems to go on and on.

So what made me open the laptop today and start tapping the keys? Well, it was remembering why I started the blog in the first place; it was an appreciation of the one true constant in my life: our little family. The one thing that has helped me get through the negative aspects of life over the last few months has been the kids and their mum.

Coffee and Keyboard Contemplations

Fidget & Little Man have been great, helping to keep the negatives at bay, just by being themselves. In their own little way the kids have been nothing more than a huge bowl of super-fantastic. They have lifted my spirits in ways I never thought possible. And what can I say about their mum? Well, she has been her usual wonderful self: supportive, caring and understanding. I truly couldn’t ask for more from any of them.

So if contemplating what to write in this post has highlighted anything it’s that it shouldn’t be about how I haven’t blogged in a while. What it has suddenly and somewhat unexpectedly become is a reaffirmation of why I started the blog in the first place: our two kids; our little family. They, along with their mum, have become the one true constant in my life. They have become the rock on which I stand in what has recently been very turbulent waters. So if I need a reason or a motivation to write, they supply it by just being themselves. By just being there. By being themselves they have helped keep my head above water. They have provided the momentum and drive I needed to get back on that proverbial horse. And in more areas than just blogging. They have been a very bright light at the end of what has recently been a very dark tunnel.

What I have truly realised sitting here tapping the keyboard is that they have always been the cathartic foundation on which the blog has been built.

So the emotional answers to my writing lethargy and the odd hiccup that has presented itself over the last few months have been right before my very eyes all along. I see the answers daily. I live and breathe them. I read them stories at bedtime and happily join in with their silly little games. We eat together and chat together. We laugh, we cry and we cuddle things better, together. But ultimately, we support and love each other. And more often than not, we do it without realising because now it’s second nature. So to Fidget & Little Man I would like to say: when you are older and you read this, just know that all the little hugs and kisses were priceless and lifted our spirits in more ways than you could know. Could there be a better motivator for life’s little curve balls? I think not.

And because of that, I think it’s time I got back on that horse and took it out for a spin …

 

 

Twin Mummy and Daddy

 

JakiJellz

 

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